Is Your Child a Bully?
If you suspect that your child is a bully, you should take steps to ensure that they do not harm others or start a habit of ridiculing people that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. Bullying can have serious consequences for children, including the bully. Children who bully are much more likely to get involved with drugs and crime later in life as well as have poor interpersonal skills. This is why it is important to stop them if they are bullies, not to mention all the damage they can do to other children.
If you think your child is a bully, there are some questions you can ask to determine if they really are, and behaviors you should look out for. If you know that your child has repeatedly hit, pushed, or otherwise hurt another child, this is a sign that they may be a bully. Not all children will exhibit this behavior in front of a adult or even admit to it, but habitually hurting others is a big bullying warning sign. If your child has ever ganged up with another child to hurt someone or asked their friends to hurt another person they may also be a bully.
If you have seen your child spread rumors about another child either when talking to a friend or through a note, email, or IM, then they may be a bully. Emotionally hurting other children is another common way that children bully one and other and is just as serious. If your child is a bully, they will use these methods to humiliate other children. Bullies will also exclude others from play and other activities to bully them so if you think your child is a bully watch for this behavior.
Good natured teasing does occur between children and chances are you will hear your child teasing their friends at one point or another. Teasing another child if it is unwanted or hurtful, indicates bullying. If you think your child is a bully, this teasing will not be good natured and between friends. It will be frequent and directed at children that they are not friends with. If you see your child doing this behavior make sure you let then know that it is not acceptable, and that it is not funny and will not help them to make healthy friends. Many times a bully does not understand the consequences of their actions and needs help understanding what can happen.
If you notice that close friends of your child partake in this type of behavior, it does not always mean your child is a bully but they may act along with their friends. It is common for a child to bully others because their friends do it, and even though they are not the one who initiates the bullying, they can suffer just the same. If you notice this type of behavior in either your child or their friends, make sure they know that bullying is not acceptable.
Why Do Children Bully?
There are many reasons children bully others. They can have strained home lives, not be getting enough attention at home, or have other family issues. Children who come from abusive homes or whose parents use violence to solve problems also may bully others. The most commonly thought of reason children bully is because they have low self esteem or a poor self image but many times bullies are confident and popular and pick on children who are smaller and unpopular. Children may also bully because they witness violence at home or do not know any other way to deal with stress. If children are not taught the proper way to solve problems, they may resort to violence and bullying. Bullying is a serious issue that can have serious consequences and should be treated as such.
Other reasons children bully are to compensate for their own problems, to gain a feeling of power, or to make themselves feel better. They turn to bullying as a way to solve these problems because it seems like the best way. Being mean spirited or emotionally unstable are also reason children bully because bullying is actually enjoyable to them. Children may find happiness in the misery of others. If children have learning problems, poor social skills, or problems fitting in they may also bully others to make themselves feel better about their social situation.
Sometimes the reason children bully is because they are being picked on themselves and they will retaliate by bullying others. This is a common way that the cycle of bullying continues and that children who would not normally bully others start to do so. No reason merits bullying, but some children don't know any other way to deal with their problems.
The most important thing to remember when dealing with a child that bullies is that their motive may be different from the norm and the underlying problem must be resolved in order to stop the bullying cycle. The reason children bully is the key to stopping them, so if your child is a bully make sure you identify exactly why they feel as though they should bully others. Solving the underlying problem will give children the relief from their problems they need without having to resort to bullying. Give your child positive ways to deal with problems and stress so they don't have to use bullying. Children who are stopped quickly are much less likely to suffer from long term effects of bullying.
Stopping bullying is important not only for the victims of bullying but for the bullies themselves. Children who bully often have problems later in life and end up committing crimes and continuing their cycle of aggression. Stopping a bully while they are young and making them realize the consequences of their actions is important to prevent future trouble. No matter why a child bullies, they should be made aware that bullying is not acceptable and given better ways to cope with their problems. Make sure you address the problem that is causing the bullying so that it doesn't continue.
Is My Child in Danger of Becoming a Bully?
Bullies are commonly thought of as children who have low self-esteem and are unpopular. While many times this is true, bullies can also be popular and confident and act out to impress friends or assert their dominance over their victims. Bullies will often have many friends who contribute to and support bullying behavior. There are many reasons why children become bullies and there are risk factors for bullying behavior that increase the chances a child will become a bully. Not all bullies seemingly have these tendencies, but many do.
Bullying is different with males and females, although the risk factors for bullying behavior are similar. Male bullies are often bigger, more popular, and more aggressive than their victims are. Risk factors for bullying behavior in males include impulsive behavior, an angry disposition, general aggression, and poor ability to cope with problems or frustration. Having poor problem solving skills is the reason many children resort to bullying. Male bullies often feel the need to be dominant and have a hard time empathizing with others as well.
These risk factors for bullying behavior do not guarantee that a male child will become a bully but they do indicate an increased risk for bullying behavior. Giving children with these traits positive ways to deal with their stress is a good way to prevent bullying.
Female bullies have similar risk factors for bullying behavior although the way in which females bully each other is usually different. Females tend to use more social and psychological forms of bullying than physical forms. Girls tend to use mean comments and other emotional abuse to bully their victims. Girls who frequently exclude others in activities, are generally mean spirited, or frequently gossip have increased risk factors for bullying behavior. Impulsive behavior, an angry disposition, general aggression, and poor ability to cope with problems or frustration are also risk factors for bullying behavior in girls although girls tend to do their bullying in non-physical ways.
All children have risk factors for bullying behavior if they come from unstable home environments. Children whose parents give them little attention, emotional support, and supervision all have increased risk factors for bullying behavior. Parents who are not involved in their children's life or have extreme discipline practices are also giving their children an increased risk factor for bullying behavior. Children need to learn positive ways to problem solve and the importance of treating others kindly and with respect.
This type of home life can cause children to start bullying to seek attention, to make up for their home life, or just because they think that is the way to solve their problems because they have no better examples of problem solving from home. Not all children from homes with a poor environment will become bullies, some overcome their home lives and understand on their own that bullying is not a good way to solve problems. If you know that your child has any of these risk factors, make sure you teach them positive problem solving methods and make it clear that bullying is unacceptable.
What To Do If Your Child Is A Bully
Children commonly tease each other and often times it is in good nature and has no negative effects. However, when a child becomes a bully, they can seriously injure children both physically and emotionally. It is important to stop bullying before it escalates to the point that a child is hurt. Most people think about stopping bullying by dealing with the victim, but what should you do if your child is a bully?
There are many different reasons why a child becomes a bully, some are not too serious and can easily be overcome and others are serious issues that must be dealt with for the well-being of both bully and victim. Children may bully others because they have low self-esteem themselves, they want attention of are trying to fit in with other kids that bully. They may experience abuse or bullying themselves from other children or adults. No matter what the reason is, if your child is a bully you should take the following actions.
You should first discuss with your child what has been going on and get their side of the story. Many times a child who is a bully is being bullied himself or is facing other types of abuse. Always get your child's side of the story to determine their motive behind being a bully. If your child is looking for attention, trying to make friends, or has low self-esteem himself, you can better help him cope with his problems if you find the underlying cause of what is going on.
Let your child know that bullying is a serious issue and will have negative consequences if it continues. Schools do not tolerate bullying and eventually your child's actions will catch up with him. Let him know that his behavior must stop or there will be serious consequences. Many times a bully who is not stopped will have lifelong problems with crime and drugs.
Talk to your child's teacher or other school official who has or can witness your child's bullying. Working together to stop your child's bullying will be more effective than working alone. Discuss ways to work together to stop your child from being a bully. Teachers are more than willing to help stop bullying as schools take it very seriously.
If there are other children involved with your child's bullying, talk to their parents. Sometimes children act together as bullies and not all the parents may be aware of it. Parents that act together will strengthen the message that being a bully is not ok and have an easier time of stopping it.
Finally, you should address the reason why your child is being a bully. If your child wants attention, more friends, or just to fit in, give them ways to accomplish this without bullying. If your child has other issues that may be more serious like bipolar disorder or low self-esteem, seek professional help for the well-being of your child. Giving your child positive ways to problem solve will go a long way to stop their bullying.
Characteristics of Adult Bully Targets
Adult bullies target their victims in many of the same way children who bully do. While many people think that bullying only occurs amongst children, it can also happen in the workplace among adults. No matter what the age of a bully, they are opportunistic and tend to prey on people they perceive as a threat or that they dislike because of differences. Adult bullies almost always bully others continuously and when one target leaves, quickly pick another. The following traits are common in adult bullying victims and usually make the bully feel insecure or threatened. Adult bullying can be more of a challenge to handle because it is harder to recognize and not as widely accepted as the bullying that occurs with children.
Adult bullies target people who are good at their job and excel beyond them. Bullies want to eliminate their competition and make their work seem better than it is. While bullying is not acceptable no matter the age of the person doing it, adults will still bully others if they see it as the only way to solve their problems. Adult bullies target people who put them in danger of looking bad in an attempt to sabotage their work.
Adult bullies target people who are popular and well liked as well, especially if they are not too popular them selves. The more well liked and competent a person is, the bigger the threat they are to an adult bully. If an adult bully is seeking attention, they will target people who receive the most attention and try to make them seem less valuable.
Adult bullies target people with differences from themselves, especially those who have high morals and integrity. Adult bullies usually have problems coping with their own problems and are desperately trying to find ways to make themselves look better by targeting other adults who they perceive will not fight back. Adult bullies seek out these people because they are less likely to retaliate against them. Adult bullies target people with vulnerabilities as well, such as inexperienced employees or older employees. If a new employee refuses to join an established clique or act a certain way, adult bullies target them. If new employees do not conform or have new and independent ideas, they also may be targeted.
Adult bullies target employees who have talents, strong friendships, or who are excelling at their jobs because of jealousy and inadequacy issues. Adult bullies feel as though they have to victimize others because they are envious of their talents. Even though it would be easier to just work harder at developing their own talents, adult bullies seek to damage other people instead of working harder themselves.
Employees who have strong relationships with others may be the target of an adult bully because the bully feels left out and is angry that they are excluded. Many adult bullies have had problems forming their own friendships their entire lives. Adult bullying is often overlooked and misunderstood in the workplace. While bullying among children is more common, adult bullying does take place.
How to Deal With a Bully in the Workplace
Many people are unaware that adult bullying occurs, and chances are if you are being bullied at work you have no idea how to handle it. It can be hard to deal with an adult bully because workplace bullying is not widely known or understood. Often times the bully is a person of authority, making it even harder to deal with an adult bully. There are not set rules for dealing with an adult bullies there are harassment laws, so stopping an adult bully can be especially challenging. If you or someone you know needs help dealing with an adult bully, these tips can help.
The first thing you should do to deal with an adult bully is to keep a detailed written account of each instance of bullying. Being able to prove that you are constantly singled out for no reason and are the target of frequent attacks will go a long way to deal with an adult bully. Keep your records in a safe place, not at work where the bully can find them. You should also keep copies of all written interactions from the bully including memos, notes, and emails that prove you are being treated unfairly. Make a list of every instance of unfair treatment by the bully.
If you are criticized or accused of wrongdoing by a bully and the claims are not true, ask for substantiated evidence of these claims and record in writing what the bully says. Many times the bully will not have a response or have evidence that is untrue. Their lack of answer or untrue answer will further prove your case and help to deal with an adult bully. You can even point out to the bully that making false accusations is a form of harassment and that you will seek out the proper recourse.
If you are not the only one being bullied, find other employees that have the same experiences and see if they want to pursue the bully together. Sometimes other employees that are having similar problems will be unwilling to cooperate, but sometimes they will be grateful for the help. More than one employee who have the same experiences with a bully will have better chances of dealing with an adult bully together. It will help that you are not the only one experiencing the problem and give validation to your claims.
If your occupation has a union or other professional organization, contact them about your bullying problem. Not all unions or organizations will help employees deal with an adult bully but many will or will have information you can use. You can also take your bullying problems to your manager or supervisor, unless they are the one doing the bullying. It is not usually a good idea to skip the proper chain of command, but if a supervisor of manager is the one bullying you, it may be a good idea to speak with their higher-up. If you are the victim of workplace bullying your should get a copy of your company's harassment and bullying policies so you knew what your rights are within the company.
School Bully
When I was in fifth grade, I had a girl who sat behind me and pulled my hair. I would turn around and ask her to stop. She would laugh and then do it again a minute later. There are all kinds of school bullies, from the innocent but cutting remarks to the violent hitting and punching. When your kid has a bully at school, something must be done. What to do will depend on the situation. Here are some suggestions.
If your child has a problem during class, ask the teacher to move them to a different desk. Sometimes the student isn’t bullying your child, but any child that is sitting by them. I had a daughter who was partnered up with the most difficult student in the class because the teacher thought that my daughter would help him behave. Instead, she started complaining about school and didn’t want to go anymore. When I talked to her about the reasons why, I asked the teacher to move her. It took care of the problem for my daughter.
If your child is being hurt at school, the teacher and principle need to know. More than likely, there is a procedure that the school follows with a student who is physically hurting other children. If they don’t seem to be acting as you feel they should, talk to them again and find a resolution that you can all be happy with.
If your child is the bully, you need to put a stop to it now. Hopefully the reasons would be obvious to you. This is not the type of behavior you want your child to continue. They need to learn to respect other children and behave properly.